I LOST THE GUILT
I Lost The Guilt
“Who ever thought it was over for me saw my yesterday, not my tomorrow”
…Buf Akpan
“We are not driven by reality but by our perception of reality”
…Anthony Robbins
Sometimes history calls: memories all wrapped up with what you should have done better and gotten a better result.
What do you say when people around draw conclusion about your life from your history because history will always repeat itself? Sometimes people look into your eyes and give up on you.
Sometimes you try so hard to communicate the real you but it seems words are just not enough to earn trust, so your heart yearns, your mind twists trying to figure out the substance in a figure one can feel, touch and handle.
Fourteen years ago I thought I had answered the question “Who am I?” but yesterday, I figured out there is more to who I am waking up with a curious heart, a strong desire and a strong choice to be there for you just as it was ordained; “it is written of me in the volume of the books…”
But do you know what my struggle is?
Will you be there for me?
Who are you?
Beyond waking up in the morning and rushing down to that office without being even able to have that breakfast. Beyond going to church, paying that tithe or/and that offering. Beyond the traffic, beyond the fast food and other easy fix.
The question your struggles within have being trying to figure out all along…..
Within these processes there are many more challenges, more questions to answer, more people to please and standards to meet up to. And just about the time you decide to quit, an angel shows up in bodily form, so beautiful and elegant with the largest of heart I have ever heard or read in a book.
Suddenly there is a diversion, a proper road and a unique path is discovered. The beauty of life is finally revealed with a hope never heard of. Then your tomorrow seem more important because the whole idea from even before the creation is about who you stand to become, not who you have been or who you are…so the prediction of the carnal mind suddenly becomes wrong, the analysis and calculations do no longer have the answers because faith just grew stronger than fate in your life.
With every young air that blows, there is freshness; beauty, pleasure and you seem to be a point, a very strong point in someone’s life…
If a ninety (90) years old womb gave birth to the promise of hope for those that will put their trust in Him. A dry womb gave birth to Prophet Samuel! What an irony. Hope was restored in a funny way. Answered produced when the questions became more.
God, I saw the angel, her name is Mofeoluwa, even though I was wrongly accused, You caused me to run again. Let those reading this piece run again into greatness Lord….
Finally I lost the guilt. You can also stop communicating with those memories.
I love you but the Lord loves you more than I do.
Yours at-all-times
Buf akpan
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