How Did We Get Here? by Buf Akpan

Don't wanna close my eyes, I don't wanna fall asleep, 'Cause I'd miss you baby, And I don't wanna miss a thing 'cause even when I dream of you, the sweetest dream would never do, I'd still miss you, baby And I don't wanna miss a thing…Aerosmith

Have you ever asked yourself how two people who professed so much love and passions, emotions causing sleepless nights until they’ve heard each other’s voice get to the point where they seem not to care about what happens to each other again?

I can still remember how excited the thought of my first night with my wife made me feel, it felt like staying all through the night looking at her even as tired as I was. Yes I did wake up more than twice in the middle of the night in the lovely hotel room looking at a beautiful woman God gave to me.

Was I looking forward to sex? As noble as that sound, at least married individual is licenced to have sex; i didn’t get married for sex.  Just like when I was in a relationship where I was misunderstood to be seeking for a shortcut to wanting sex.

I tried everything I could to prove marriage is not about sex but about two people agreeing to head to the same place. Two people agreeing to let go of self and moving towards a greater level in life. Marriage helps in achieving this earlier than you can ever imagine. It’s like leveraging on your spouse’s strength to achieve a desired goal, that’s for those that understand the spiritual backing for marriage.

He that finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favour from the Lord... Proverbs 18:22

Every one, lazy or strong, short tempered or ill-mannered has something to offer.

My wife helped me get out of debt not because she paid it off but the strength I got from the fact that I will get her support all through life gave me the boldness to face the challenges that came along and it has always served as a reference point making me easily open up to her if there’s a perceived short fall in my judgements of things or decisions.

Though I have seen and heard cases that are so deteriorating, cases you wish you were never married. The divorce rate in the world is gradually increasing by the day, individuals going into marriage because they feel I’m of age or feel I love this man, he loves me and has asked me to marry him.

Every time you get to meet people or colleagues you get fond of and wish you were not married and when you change jobs or location, you get to meet someone else you think would have been a perfect match and I ask, how many can you even marry or share personal, emotional affection with? Man needs to see beyond the physical look and start looking at the real meaning of marriage. Those that understand can live with any kind of partner, no matter how she/he looks; obese or thin, tall or short.  

Godliness with contentment is great gain... I Timothy 6:6

In my four years of marriage, I have discovered only one thing will keep you going when the emotions or emotional bank dry up and are yet to be refilled; like when your nakedness no longer causes nitric oxide to make the smooth muscles to relax and blood rushes into the erectile bodies. When you’ve bought the cars, when you’ve built or bought the houses, when the children are there, when we feel we’ve achieved and are now financially secured. Your purpose!

Where does your wife really think you are leading her or where are you really heading? If I had a daughter; I would tell her to look beyond the car, his job or bank account but his plans, what he carries and who he depends on to help him achieve those plans.

Who is he without the job? If I tell people my first job ever was commission based or when I eventually got a job with salary, I was only paid what a rich man’s son would spend over a meal. The job was so “good” that it was without benefit. People that know us now may say, it’s not true or probably say you’ve come a long way within a short period.

Discovering ones direction and destination in life doesn’t mean its automatic, but if one’s making effort, he would surely get there. The process can be overwhelming and discouraging. Many will look down or refuse to reckon with you. The reason is not far-fetched; champions are not known in the wilderness but are made there. Nobody knew Moses as a shepherd walking for his father in-law but God announced his arrival to Pharaoh, the then most powerful man in the world the moment HE was ready to bring to pass Moses’ reason for existence.

The author of The Philosophy of the history of mankind said; man is capable of
knowing, and destined to attain the knowledge of everything, that he ought to know. 

Man naturally does not desire to know because he is disconnected from his Source. That’s why the institutions, instructions or principles that govern life are not identified and as a result abuse is usually displayed. So he/she doesn’t appreciate the secret to his completeness which somehow lays foundation for success; his spouse.

This conclusion may not be widely accepted because we have different definitions for success. Some equate it to money but I have seen many rich folks who are far from finding fulfillment.

Yes, money can buy you a whole lot including anti-aging process, prolong life; it takes money to have a kidney transplant. Money can help you marry the most expensive woman on earth, drive the most expensive cars and live in the most expensive location and houses but I have seen people with all this, yet are far from finding fulfillment.

The houses, cars and a graceful beauty can give comfort and esteem in life but there’s usually something within that yearn for more, that yearns to return to its Source. This is for those that understand the need to find true meaning to existence in life.