The holiness of Myself

There’s something I was missing, something free and true, gorgeous, glorious, faithful, pure, just the way I thought…

I thought I would never let go but it took just time to prove that the shadows are not the real thing we should hold onto. Sometimes the pains just come to show the right way to pleasure, so the failures too, to show the road to success. Many think success should come to them the way they’ve perceived, the moment failure comes to show the right path to what is known as the life worth living.

Holding too much to the fear of failing, the anxiety that shows up each time there’s a threat to the life we are used to; waking up in the morning and everything is normal without anything extra ordinary or if I could say extra normal to what we were handed by our parents and environment as the right path with no reason to be worried.  Recently I said to God; “I really don’t understand why am doing this but because I promised (vowed), I’ll just keep doing it coz he that put his hands on the plow and looks back is not fit for the kingdom…’’ holding up has to be by commitment.
The truth’s commitment itself is a price to pay for continuation in anything you want to do even if your belief or faith is shaking…the point; there’s a reason I felt it was right in the first place. So holding back isn’t the right way to be free because freedom is not void of confusion. In it lies peace or the hope available therein when you are down, or the possibility of someone ever ready to lift you up in your lowest times; the times that seem to only come with questions as if answers will never be realities. Certain things will happen and will keep happening, so? What they will be, I might not be able to tell but I know solutions are ever available and they are deep within you.

I really don’t expect you to believe this just like that; it takes absolute faith in the One that created you. 

The ability to reach any level you can ever think of is available to you. It’s not about what you know. Your past experience might be so evident though, but about whom you really are and who your Maker made you; the ability you have is forever there and will remain, you have what it takes within; Note that having is different from experiencing and most of us have reduced our lives to our parents or the environmental norms. A very simple way of explaining this is the fact that you already have the ability to write, to drive, swim, fly a plane…he that does not have the ability is useless and I don’t think the God the Father I know made anyone useless, so the ability to be who He wants you to be was handed over to you before you gained consciousness. It is just a painful truth that we all go to school to be conditioned to fit into a way of thinking, and when we are done probably at the master’s level, the media continues to condition us to the societal expectations.

I know you would have at one point or the other asked “can this ever be possible, can I get through this, what will my wife/husband say about this decision am about taking, can there ever be someone that will believe in me…?” You just have to look a little inward, I could decide to whisper anything to whomever cares to listen but I need to get close enough to communicate. Whoever will benefit from the info am passing around through my whispering will have to risk giving me the chance and listen to what I have to say. Yet my whispering could mislead but the One within can never.

Just like when I decided to quit building on the wrong foundation in my life, taking a decision was so scary; I weighed who I might become if I let fear lock me in to building a very new foundation, I preferred the latter, consequences were there to even make me say bye-bye to a future free of worries, regret and settle down for what I had but I kept on hearing within: “ Fear not; you will no longer live in shame. Don’t be afraid; there is no more disgrace for you. You will no longer remember the shame of your youth and the sorrows of your widowhood” Isaiah 54:4. 

People tried probing, they asked those that were close to me, they got no answer and because they got no answer they criticized what they couldn't understand. I took that decision coz I knew it was the only path to a glorious future, I tried sharing with those I thought could actually see through my eyes but all I got were rejections, judgment, some even thought it was over for me. 

The Holiness within said, ”close your ears to the noises you hear, to what you feel but open your eyes to a possibility”, possibilities I hadn't experienced before, possibilities beyond my consciousness, a new way of thinking, taking the risk to hold onto my Maker. There are noises everywhere, people seem to know your life better than you do, people without the ability to lead their lives are daily advising you to live in certain ways they believe is the best. People not fulfilled, the Holiness within them keeps knocking and asking, when will you be able to have the courage to leave your comfort zone and do what you are really here for? They know they've actually settled for a lower life. Fear has successfully locked them up for life, though some are very good Christians, pay their tithes and offerings, give and pray very well. Some of them have been able to quench the yearnings and chased off fulfillment.

This is why I just don’t get why we keep listening to them when it’s so obvious they are daily failing with the formulas they hand us every day through their yelling and forceful ways of counsels that comes to us.    
  

I used to have a friend who knows how I should treat my faithful partner but he didn't have a relationship. So do many ladies advice lot of their friends on how to treat their men when they don’t even have any they call their own. Who would you rather listen to?

2012 is still very fresh, we can still pick our pieces, build a new life if we are actually expecting a new thing, and it is never too late. Listen to the voice of the Holiness within you.

I love you but the Lord loves you more than I do.

Yours at-all-times.

Buf Akpan

For: SPEAP Family